please come you make the beer taste better
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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