Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
