mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
