i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
