Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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