so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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