Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
