I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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