So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
