Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
