Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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