Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
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Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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