Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
