So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need water and some morals
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
