were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
