Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
