My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MIDGETS
????
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
