don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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