I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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