Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
