hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
