Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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