I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
