what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
