I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
