Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
