We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
