I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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