I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
