I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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