So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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