Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
