I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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