Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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