how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
