So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
