Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Randomize
