Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
