Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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