im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
