before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
