She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
