just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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