I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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