The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
