Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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