you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
