I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
