Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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