I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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