Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
