so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
