If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
