Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
