Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
