shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
