Sry I called you an 8
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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