we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize