whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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