my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
