Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
