I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Green mimosas i think yes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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