That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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