Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
